BackStage

We decided to take a break from packing last night. A break that would also be a break from writing and syllabus creation for me. What I wanted to do was see a movie. I don’t get to watch tons of movies lately. I do take time to watch documentaries, but I watch them usually while doing something else (like packing). So in that vein I’ve recently seen New Muslim Cool (which was good, but not as powerful as I had hoped — click the link to watch it online); 49 Up (which Jessie Daniels page — if not Jessie herself, not sure (see for great film suggestions) — suggests for sociological imagination discussion; but my imagination is failing me as to how to do that); and the recently reviewed Jihad for Love (which I loved). I decided last night that I wanted to see a popular film and wanted to watch one with Blue. Blue doesn’t go much for videos at all, which is probably why I watch few. When I want to relax, generally I want to relax with him, resulting in picking something else to do besides torturing him with a movie he doesn’t want to watch (like Coraline… I rented it last night but haven’t watched it yet. Loved the book).

Now to The Watchmen. Overall, I enjoyed it. But there was a particular scene that really made me mad. I mean incredibly pissed off. It wasn’t the only scene that upset me (so did the murder of the superhero lesbian with “Lesbian Whores” scripted above the bed in blood? and the later reference to said murder that seemed to condone the hate crime — something along the lines of they got killed for their depraved lifestyle). The scene that just really got me was the attempted rape of the Silk Spectre.

Quick description of scene:

The superheros are getting their photos taken. After this, she says something to the group to let them know she’ll join them in a minute (implying she’s going to change). The Comedian (a rather nasty member of the group who does some horrible things throughout the movie — as he’s supposed to be a parody of humankind’s inhumanity to humankind) follows her in. He proceeds to try to “seduce” her making a claim that is tantamount to saying what she is wearing must indicate that she wants sex, all the time by any man to offer. At one point she says No, and he says something like “No spelled Y-E-S.” She replies “No spelled N-O” and then hits him so hard he flies across the room. I have not read this book, yet, so I can’t say what happens in it, but in the film he proceeds to beat her up and then is about to rape her when she is saved by other male superheros. Even better, I found it on YouTube.

When the scene was unfolding, I was originally thinking it would be good. Here is a strong woman who is going to kick the crap out of a man trying to exploit her “vulnerabilities.” She does so for about 2 seconds. She gets in one hit and then is made into the victim. He props her up against a pool table to rape her. My thought is she’s going to grab a pool ball and smash him in the face, but she just lays there so she has to be rescued. And while a man is handling the situation, she lays there gasping. My mind goes numb. I just start yelling at the screen “WHY?!? WHY?!” Indeed, WHY have all the trappings of strong female characters just to show that no matter how strong they are, they are still victims of men?

If you haven’t written extensively about meat packing plants, business networks, racial/ethnic identities, or other dissertation related material… chances are I haven’t read you.

Accept for maybe a facebook status. I read those. They are short enough to keep my attention.

I don’t mean to be completely missing from the blogosphere, but I just can’t seem to find the extra energy to write words not related to my dissertation… or read words that don’t end up helping me write my dissertation.

More than ever in my tenure as a graduate student, I have no life. None. I sometimes can’t even get up the energy to read a novel (unless I’ve already read it or a book in the series and so don’t need to learn new characters and social rules) or produce the required concentration to watch a television show.

This will end. I will eventually defend. And, after that miracle occurs, I will finish my fall preps. And, once I get into my new job, I’ll settle into my classes. Of these things I have faith.

It makes me wonder though. What am I going to do with myself once I am allowed to have a life? I currently understand alienation from labor more than ever. I write and write, but I feel like I have nothing really to show for it. That I’ve done nothing. Each step along the graduate ladder is just one more thing… MA defense (check); prelim and prelim (check/check); prelim defense (check); dissertation proposal defense (check); publication (check); presentations (check); job talk/interview/job (check)… But all you have to show for it is a pile of papers. Long documents that few will read. And then I think about how this doesn’t really end. Even after I finish the PhD… Then I’ll just trying to jump through different hoops.

I have come to the conclusion that I need a hobby. One that actually has some kind of physical manifestation. I need to learn how to make something that I can hold. However, I have no idea what that thing will be. I don’t have Anomie’s artistic talent (I so want that painting). Or Kristina B’s photography skills. I used to write fiction/poetry and was pretty good at it… but that will just be more writing and doesn’t solve much of anything. I’m not much for gardening. I like the idea of cake decorating. But, hell, there are only two of us. What the hell would I do with all the cakes?

Ideas?

I’m willing to put it up to a vote.